Wow Miller!!!

من چندين سال پيش يکی از کتابای «هنری ميلر» رو به فارسی برداشتم بخونم دو صفحه‌اش رو خوندم گفتم اين مزخرفات چيه سر هم کرده. امروز تو کتابخونه «Tropic of Capricorn» رو برداشتم يه نگاهی بندازم. دو صفحه اولش کفم بريد. هر جمله از جمله قبلی بهتر بود و همينجوری داشت می‌رفت به بی‌نهايت. کتاب رو گرفتم و الان جلومه. ولی می‌ترسم شروع کنم به خوندنش و شب نتونم بخوابم. يه تيکه‌هايی از پاراگراف اولش رو می‌ذارم اينجا. نمی‌دونم همينجوری پيش می‌ره يا نه ولی لابد همينه ديگه (کتاب ۲۰ سال ممنوع‌الانتشار بوده تو آمريکا).

Once you have given up the ghost, everything follows with dead certainty, even in the midst of chaos. From the beginning it was never anything but chaos, [...] In everything I quickly saw the opposite, the contradiction, and between the real and the unreal the irony, the paradox. I was my worst enemy. There was nothing I wished to do which I could just as well not do. Even as a child, when I lacked for nothing, I wanted to die: I wanted to surrender because I saw no sense in struggling. [...] Everybody around me was a failure, or if not a failure, ridiculous. Especially the successful ones. [...] I never helped anyone expecting that it would do any good; I helped because I was helpless to do otherwise. To want to change the condition of affairs seemed futile to me; nothing would be altered, I was convinced, except by a change of heart, and who could change the hearts of men? Now and then a friend was converted: it was something to make me puke. I had no more need of God than He had of me, and if there were one, I often said to myself, I would meet Him calmly and spit in His face.